Blog Update

Apparantly October NEVER EVEN HAPPENED.

Seriously, don't bring it up. Ever. New rule: we don't talk about it, we go about our lives, 24/7/334. And maybe, at this time next year (11 months from now) we can talk about reinstituting a month somewhere in the September/November range.

Lightning News of the Week

There has been a lot of talk about bloggers lately and what they offer a team. Well, we know what I offer them, I offer to do their laundry, and all I get is a call from the team attorneys and a restraining order that tells me I have to stay 200ft away from Lecavalier (good thing I can only afford nosebleeds!)

But seriously, with my own mix of envious “can do” attitude, “in your face” diatribe writing style, and “officer these cuffs are hurting me” behind-the-scenes of the player’s lives investigative reporting, you should be noticing an improvement in the Tampa Bay Lightning organization within the year. Pretty much if we make it past the first round of the playoffs this year it’s basically because of me.

“So if you’re so important and cute and smart and sexy why don’t you write more?” you would say if you were me writing what you would say. Well, Mr. perceptive, you try keeping a blog up to date, restoring your youthful vigor by sleeping in a hyperbolic chamber 12 hours a day, and telling other people how to live their lives even when they don’t ask for it; all the while satisfying your court-mandated community service. Then you can talk. But until then, I will continue to bring you the news that you didn’t even know that you didn’t want to know.

Yay! A new post! This is what you just said. And it was aloud. How embarrassing! However, I must warn you; the update is low on content, humor, and as always - sodium glucose. This is par for the course, unfortunately. That’s because I put this little blog up all by my big-boy self and I only learned myself enough about HTML to write some non-sequiturs about the Lightning, and poke fun at Tim Taylor. Then I put my brain back on a constant diet of malted hops. Seriously, I made this website with the internet equivalent of a bunch of pipe cleaners, hot glue gun, cotton balls, and tongue depressors. It’s not pretty, but I think the most important thing about it is that you, the benefactor, realize the thought and creativity that goes into this, this home-made PRESENT I make for you.

Also, while writing this blog I have that intense look on my face that denotes literary genius, and/or multiple bran muffins. But, the pure truth of the matter is if I don’t come up with an idea for a story to blog within 1.6 seconds after starting the thinking process; my eyes glaze over and I begin thinking about swimming pools, kittens, and monster trucks. So, even though I have the look of a literary genius, delving into the depths of mind-blowing existential theory, really I’m just thinking about “grave digger” smashing some old cars with their windshields removed and radio antennas bent down.

But don’t worry dear reader/admirer/probation officer. I’m not done. As soon as I figure out how to make one of those cool, multi-colored, flashing banners with audio that embarrass you because now all your co-workers know you aren’t working; this blog will take off out of the blogosphere, and accelerate into blog speed, and blog blog blog.

Was this originally going somewhere? Was I trying to tell you something earlier? Are you even still reading? Yes? Am I going to keep answering my own questions? Yes.

I forgot to wear a belt to work today. HOW DOES THAT EVEN HAPPEN?