Big Plans

I changed the background of the blog last week to a slightly more Lightning themed blue. This is in celebration of me learning how to do this. I seriously know nothing about HTML, CSS and bathing, and therefore have let this site look pretty bad since its inception last year. And I’d like to blame that for the somnolent feeling people get when they visit. Then, I plan on MS Painting this site right into haute couture with some banners, logos and pucks or something.

Oh yes, big plans indeed.

The Big Three

The big three. It sounds more like a pizza deal. Unfortunately, this is too far from the truth. As tasty cheese and dough concoctions these are not. Furthermore, some would say this is definitely not a deal. They would say that, having all our money tied up into three players is what has killed the Lightning for the past two seasons (well, that and the Senators/Devils.) I’ve even heard it called the BIG FOUR with Prospal’s name thrown in there, with the possibility of him being moved tossed around. Now, you add Boyle and maybe it’s the big five, or is it the fab five? I don’t know, I was born in 1980. But I do know that Danny Boyle’s in a contract year, which places extreme pressure on Jay Feaster, who probably wishes I was still talking about pizza.

All I can do is pontificate that the Lightning were fairly happy with showcasing Boyle around the league this year, and shipping him off for a goaltender/bag of pucks/holiday popcorn tin. This was, of course, complicated when Boyle pulled a Ritchie Tennenbaum at the beginning of the year. This was further complicated when he was rushed back into the lineup (further cementing my “showcasing Boyle” idea) and re-injured his wrist. I know what you know, faithful readers, and probably even less since my memory synapses haven’t been the same since the taser incident.

Furthermore, we don’t even really know the Lightning’s financial situation. Most people erroneously consider the Lightning to be at the cap. Not true, although the Lightning have had a self-imposed cap. Earlier, the sale of the Lightning fell through, but now there is talk that one of the perspective buyers is putting together a proposal to purchase the Lightning independently of the other parties. Will the new owner keep the self-imposed salary cap? Will there be a new owner? Something stinks fellow Lightning fans. Do you smell that too? Kinda smells like burning...Wait a minute, that’s not NHL club roster financial mediocrity that smells; it’s…Oh no! My German chocolate cake!!!

Under the current NHL salary cap, the Lightning could conceivably sign both Dan Boyle, re-sign Vinny next year, and be under the NHL cap. Nevertheless, is that the right thing to do? Those of you who know me (hi mom) and are familiar with my “I would open mouth kiss Vincent Lecavalier” policy know my position on signing Lecavalier (P.S. The policy, in case you don’t get it, is that I would like him signed.) However, we’ve gone through two seasons of early first round playoff exits, allowed the Thrasher to win the SED last year, and there have been no changes. Including my pre-game bagel bites ritual (they’re so tasty!)

Not that I necessarily blame the front office. They need goaltending, but there really is no upgrade on the market right now. There WAS Bryzgalov, but we must assume that Feaster’s hands were tied by the sale of the team. Either that, or he was distracted by a bright light. Either way, that ship has sailed, and I’m sure Gretzky’s happy with his services and will be resigning him at the end of the year.

So what must be done? I don’t know why I’m asking you, as no one ever comments on my blogging, for shame!

Blog Update

Apparantly October NEVER EVEN HAPPENED.

Seriously, don't bring it up. Ever. New rule: we don't talk about it, we go about our lives, 24/7/334. And maybe, at this time next year (11 months from now) we can talk about reinstituting a month somewhere in the September/November range.

Lightning News of the Week

There has been a lot of talk about bloggers lately and what they offer a team. Well, we know what I offer them, I offer to do their laundry, and all I get is a call from the team attorneys and a restraining order that tells me I have to stay 200ft away from Lecavalier (good thing I can only afford nosebleeds!)

But seriously, with my own mix of envious “can do” attitude, “in your face” diatribe writing style, and “officer these cuffs are hurting me” behind-the-scenes of the player’s lives investigative reporting, you should be noticing an improvement in the Tampa Bay Lightning organization within the year. Pretty much if we make it past the first round of the playoffs this year it’s basically because of me.

“So if you’re so important and cute and smart and sexy why don’t you write more?” you would say if you were me writing what you would say. Well, Mr. perceptive, you try keeping a blog up to date, restoring your youthful vigor by sleeping in a hyperbolic chamber 12 hours a day, and telling other people how to live their lives even when they don’t ask for it; all the while satisfying your court-mandated community service. Then you can talk. But until then, I will continue to bring you the news that you didn’t even know that you didn’t want to know.