What? Regular Updates? Why I Never...

So little Marty St. Louis gets to wear the third "A" this season as Tim Taylor mends his hip bone and retains the "C". I like it. I for one, hate Tim Taylor. I hate his name. I hate his wrap arounds. I hate his dreamy eyes and legs that just won't quit. I hate this game worn jersey of his that I purchased and sleep in every night. But most of all, I hate that he reminds me of "Home Improvement". And while the thought of him wheelchair bound brings a smile to my face and a glimmer in my eye, I still relenquish the fact that he won't hang them up.

But now, Marty gets some attention with an "A". True fact: He is the smallest NHL player to get a letter since Theo Fleury got his "AA". HEY-O! Look, I'm not getting paid per joke here. And I didn't say it was a true fact.

Titillating Title

Today, as I ambled into work and gave my customary mid-morning prayer for the ability to fly, I felt something was wrong. Very wrong. Then, I realized my zipper was down, and I had already been warned about this at work. But then, right after that, I noticed that something was different. Turns out my chair was set at a different height by the late night cleaning crew. So after sitting down, and flipping on the radio, my heart stopped – Justin Timberlake has a new song on, and it’s my new jam. And that’s pretty much how my day started out. Yup. Pretty typical, including the zipper down thing, which I am going to have to remedy with a safety pin.

Oh, and the Lightning were sold to a new ownership group.

Wait, What? Did you just hear read me right? That’s right. The bolts were sold for an undisclosed amount of money. And if I had taken any journalistic classes, I’d have known to include that fact in the first paragraph of this blog. But I didn’t, and neither did you. That fake Pulitzer isn’t fooling anyone.

“So what does this all mean?” My mom says to me when she reads my blog, as my ramblings seem to have no coherent value. Well, it means that the future of the Lightning is less clear than it was yesterday. Is this a good or a bad thing? Well, that is what we will have to wait and see. Or, instead we can speculate wildly. I chose the latter.

Situation A – This is a good thing:

This situation is very optimistic. The Lightning have had a very mediocre summer. They had no money to spend, and no substance past the first line and Brad Richards. Alternately, we’re not Buffalo so we got that going for us. With the general lack of movement for two off seasons in a row, it’s obvious to just about everyone that the Feaster has had his hands tied for some time now. This is bad, as first round playoff exits are only a dream if you’re in Toronto. So, now with a new ownership, maybe some moves can be made to elevate the team that everyone knows cannot be made better with the current farm system.

Situation B – This is a bad thing:

Bill Davidson may look like the crypt keeper from “Tales from the Dark Side,” and he may be located in Detroit, but he did own a team that won the cup. He may not have given us the maximum cap, but he did let us sign several high-end free agents over his tenure. And he may or may not smell like moth balls, but he did fly down here once, seriously I saw him on T.V. What have these new guys done? Nothing that’s what. And they may continue doing nothing right up until they; move the team, escalate ticket prices, and punch pregnant mothers in the stomach.

Situation C – Status Quo, let’s go get a sandwich:

This is the “it doesn’t matter who owns the kiddies, they have no money and there are no talented goalies/forwards/capable defenseman on the market anyway. Let’s plan a trip to Montreal in Mid-April to visit Vinny.” Which is a long name, especially when I am not paid per word for this Blog - or at all for that matter. Now I’m hungry.

Point/Counterpoint: Let's Think of Titles for Every Post vs. I'd Rather Play Another Game of NHL 94

Well, it's early August around here, and this hockey blogger has a slight case of duality. On the one hand I can't wait for hockey season to start, but on the other hand, I have no idea what "duality" means. So what's a true hockey fan to do? Well we have several options:

a) Try to follow baseball with it's confusing lack of skates, greasy helmets, and enough crotch-scratching to indicate it might just be sponsored by Valtrex.

b) Create a hockey blog and pepper any severely lacking updates with inane chronoligical lists, that for some reason skip letter "d".

c) Play a little NHL 94 on the Super Nintendo Entertainment System. Why they never made another hockey game after this confuses me. BELIEVE YOU ME THEY DID NOT.

e) Trash-talk to other hockey fans about your teams previous, and assured, future success.

I choose "e". And, no matter how much you moan and beg, I can't hear you - you're just upsetting the rest of the people in the library computer room. No, I'm sorry. There is little to no substance going on right now. What's that? The arbitrator awarded Ryan Craig $850,000? Well, still not newsworthy. Not when we can instead make very funny quips such as calling the Hurricanes the HER-icanes. HAHAHAHA see what I did there?

Anyway, the point is, we have to stick together. We here in the LOL SE division of the LMAO NHL ON VS. have nobody else. Because frankly, we will not watch regular season baseball, and no I'm not interested in what flavor gatorade "Cadillac" Williams reached for this afternoon. No, I'm interested in angering complete strangers over the internet about a sport that isn't even in contention at this moment in time.

So bring it on INTERNET. Let's see what you've got.