That New Trade Smell...

The Ottawa Senators added gritty scoring, physical defensive-zone play, and an unabashedly awful playoff afro to their lineup Monday, picking up left-winger Cory Stillman and defenseman Mike Commodore from Carolina. Trading, in return Forward Patrick Eaves and Defenseman Joe Corvo. And if this trade is the bellwether of the trade deadline for Southeast teams, prepare for a fire sale.

Corvo was quoted as saying he would like to go somewhere that he won't be noticed. Well, as long as he is able to refrain from donning flame-retardant jumpsuits, and jumping into out-of-date domestic sedans running at over 180MPH on a grease-spotted circle track, that should be no problem in Carolina. Why, by just adopting the act of taking his sister as a wife would mean he could walk down the streets of Raleigh-Durham uncontested for an innocuous mid-afternoon Best Buy bargain-bin DVD spelunking.

Patrick Eaves is apparently made from Pyrex and I have no opinion of him, other than to say that he just might be more durable than Cole, which is nice.

Cory Stillman, the ex-lightning player whom, in what I can only explain as some sort of pact with Satan, has been involved in winning two of the last three Stanley Cups. The first, with Tampa, can be attributed to his Remora-like attachment to one Vincent Lecavalier. In which, he was able to get 25 goals and 55 assists on the way to winning the Stanley Cup in 2004. The second, with the Hurricanes, was largely considered unwatchable by most hockey pundits. However, somebody told me Carolina won, and that Cory Stillman was involved to some extent.

Commodore, oddly enough, is also tied to the Lightning as he was on the Calgary Flames squad that attempted to unseat God's team (the 2004 Stanley Cup Champs Tampa Bay Lightning) that was ultimately embarrassed and was presumed to have taken a hockey sabbatical. Some might argue the facts I've posted here, but to them I say this: "The West coast isn't real and acknowledging their existance is something that I as a true hockey fan, and as a man, just cannot with a good conscience let happen."

Commodore and Stillman are scheduled to become unrestricted free agents on July. This leaves open the door for both of them to rejoin the dotage party in Carolina after the season is over, presumably so that they can stand next to Glenn Wesley to feel young again. Carolina Hurricanes GM Jim Rutherford probably thinks he can sign Commodore and/or Stillman after they become unrestricted free agents, which would mean they just got Eaves for nothing. Either that or he never thought they were going to resign with Carolina anyway, in which case they again - just got Eaves for free. Eaves will be a restricted free agent at the end of this season, while Corvo has two years remaining on his contract, paying him $2.75 million per year but with a salary cap hit of $2.625 million.

But why listen to me? What are my credentials? Well, as you can see, I have a circa-2001 Myspace-esque ice background image. Yesiree, I’d wager that I am one Vincent Lecavalier glitter image away from sitting in the press box during games.